Thursday, December 20, 2012

You Win, You Win... You Lose, You Still Win..


This is a good time for media folks to remember the Romans (Ashutosh of IBN calls them “Romany”). The Romans repeatedly lost their battles to the Gauls but took the defeats in their stride. There are many of our friends in the media who may need psychological counselling tonight; they may be going through the Pakistani syndrome of forever losing battles and wars. Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Sagarika Ghose, Shekhar Gupta, Dileep Padgaonkar, Aakar Patel, S. Vardarajan, Ashutosh, Nikhil Wagle, Malini P and all their fellow campaigners in the media need to be complimented for their brave campaign against Narendra Modi. Then there are other foot soldiers like Shabnam Hashmi, Mallika Sarabhai, Javed Anand, Sanjiv Bhatt, and it’s time to say Hasta La Teesta to them. Politicians don’t have much of a problem with losing elections and deal with it quite well. They are used to it and always have their reasons ready.




The first rule to remember in a battle is the advice that Joey La Motta gives his brother in the landmark movie “Raging Bull”. Jake La Motta is up for another shot at the world title and is constantly worried about his weight but won’t stop eating. You know, sort of the Barkhas and Sagarikas who can’t stop eating while they campaign. Barkha goes even further, doing most of her campaigning from restaurants like ‘Agashiye’ or ‘Vishalla’ in Ahmedabad. Barkha seems to like Vishalla because it’s close to her only campaign spot ‘Juhapura’, which is a Muslim ghetto in Ahmedabad. See? Mention these two ladies and one can’t help getting distracted. Where were we? Oh yes, here’s Joey’s exemplary to advice to his tough, raging, boxer brother Jake:


“If you win, you win... If you lose, you still win”.


Hear the audio of that brilliant piece of wisdom from Joey La Motta at Hark. That’s the spirit to show. Life goes on! And none of the media folks are losers anyway. They and their channels have made a huge pile of money in their feverish campaigns all these years. Some of them are even known to have become “abnormally affluent” and known to own real estate beyond their known sources of income. But still, an election loss is a loss in public and needs to be dealt with. If it were Robert Vadra, we could have dismissed it as “private loss”. All the Queen’s poodles may definitely go for a ‘make-over’, new hairstyles, new wardrobes but it’s their hearts and minds that need more healing. I had actually thought of 5 ways but there’s Tim Milburn who has come up with 7 in his article “When You Lose An Election”. I will use just 6 of his 7. He has the experience too. So what we’ll do is just rephrase his 7 ways to deal with the loss and help the limousine chauffeurs recover.  

Even though you lost an election, you’re not a loser. Hold your head up; frown but smile. Respond like vindictive pricks. Don’t blame anything or anyone other than communal and polarised Gujjus who don’t understand the concept of secularism at all. Everyone who desires to be in media’s lie-mongering, fake opinion polls and conduct a campaign of calumny will lose out to someone else at some point. Yep! Like Rajdeep and Barkha lost out to Arnab on TRPs. 

Take some time right now to thank those who helped you. Whether they made posters for your campaign or helped spread the word, make sure you thank them. Like those who gave you Blackberrys or Iphones. They’re feeling bad as well (they wanted you to win). Your positive and encouraging words to them will restore their confidence. Do remember all those Hotels that gave you special discounts because you’re a media celeb. Remember all those restaurants who gave you free lunches and dinners just to have their pic taken with you.  

Congratulate the person who won. Huh? NEVER! When it comes to Gujarat, never ever congratulate that man. No matter what people say, no matter how the people vote, that man is not to be congratulated. Find all the excuses and reasons how victory was handed to him and he DID NOT win it. This may be difficult but it is absolutely the right thing to do. 

Reflect on the campaign. The best thing you can do with a failed campaign is to learn from it. Nothing! As with the last decade media folks will keep losing elections and learn nothing. What will you do different next time? Make sure you do all you can to ensure he is not a PM candidate and make a mild concession. Instead of State leader, call him a ‘Regional leader’ at best. Who do you need to bring on board? Think of Shabnam, Teesta, Mallika… Umm.. maybe even Suzy Roy?  

Gather yourself. You will experience a whirlwind of emotion. Take the time to regroup and find your emotional center. You entered the campaign or process with a clear understanding that you are going to lose. You only hoped and prayed it somehow didn’t happen. It did! Talk to princes and princesses. Immerse yourself in something else; like public anger against some cause. Find a sense of imbalance in the way your loss is reported.  

Begin to formulate a new plan. Like I said above, when you lose an election the only thing that really changes is your plans.  You don’t need to change your life, you just need to change your plan.  Start looking at your options. Now it’s time to start thinking about what’s next. Think of your campaign for 2014 and how the prince is your candidate for PM. Think of how to “Evolve” him.  

There! That’s not all that hard to do is it? History has it than when India toured Pakistan after a very long gap for the first time in 1978 under BishenSingh Bedi. After the series, which Pakistan convincingly won, Mushtaq Mohammad the Pak Captain thanked “All his Muslim brothers across the world for their victory”. I must caution Barkha and Sagarika not to thank them for their losses. When asked which two players Bedi would like to pick from Pakistan for his side, he replied “Your two umpires”. Maybe in 2014 our media crooks might like to thank the umpires again. Till then…


27 comments:

  1. Against all good reasoning...I tuned in to NDTV juts to see the face of Barkha and there she was gleefully cheering up her own Party. Money is coming...propaganda machine at EndiTV /CNN-IBN will turn till the last vote is counted. By the way in the last para thanking this umpire thing for 2014 is referring to the possible EVM fraud I guess.

    Great reading....!!!

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  2. Out of curiosity, I had a peek at these channels this morning....What you wrote above is in fact happening there!!!

    Thanks for the great write-up.

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  3. Even Sekhar Gupta too reminded Ms. Barkha that even if a journalist has to vote (and they have their own biases), but s/he should be above all this when commenting on election results. Her utter hatred for Modi was clearly visible. Now your article will certainly help the media and political crooks a comeback.

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  4. I liked the cartoon there.. hehe
    Modi might even be thinking to bring in all the development work he wished to do in next 5-year term in just 2 years; in case he becomes a PM from CM :) he loves Gujarat and lives it !!

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  5. Ravinar ji, just watching news X channel. Hadd kar diye hain sab, see it sometime.

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  6. Love to gloat over the discomfiture of these anti-nationals. Only these scum are too thick skinned to feel any shame for their unbalanced bias towards corruption and lack of integrity

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  7. As you say, here it is:

    Mr. Chidambaram declares congress a winner in Gujarat.
    http://www.ndtv.com/elections/article/assembly-polls/congress-is-a-winner-in-gujarat-says-finance-minister-chidambaram-307687?pfrom=home-guj2012_featured_elec.json

    Counting is not even complete. He declares it on trends that BJP has not reached 117. This guy is our finance minister leading our great economic reforms. Shame !

    P.S: See the comments for that article. Now NDTV might consider blocking comments !

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  8. Ravinar,

    I must protest - You are letting off the editors of "The Hindu" too easily.

    What do you make of this?
    Dec 20:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/the-mass-delusionist-of-ahmedabad/article4218249.ece?homepage=true


    Dec. 18:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/in-gujarat-searching-for-development-with-dignity/article4210441.ece

    Dec 17:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/editorial/muddy-waters-made-muddier/article4206927.ece


    Dec 13:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/figuring-out-the-modi-speed-machine/article4192672.ece

    Dec 12:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/t20-politics-has-run-its-course/article4188766.ece

    Dec 6:
    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/insecure-after-all/article4167735.ece

    PS. I think even all the Queen's men (Manish Tiwari, Kibal Sibal, Chidu...) could not done a better job.


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    Replies
    1. Ok, you were ahead of me. This newspaper ought to be renamed 'The Shithole'

      Delete
    2. Sorry, missed one more. The heading is very appropriate for today's results:

      December 12, 2012
      http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/after-long-innings-modi-magic-goes-missing/article4190167.ece

      Delete
  9. Awesome peice of sarcasm. Thanks for writing Ravinar.


    Looks like every monkey had his story ready, not just NDTV. See this.

    http://www.indianexpress.com/news/elections-2012-gujarat-votes-for-the-personality-cult-devp/1048031/

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  10. Ok, of all the BS thats going around after results , this one takes the cake :

    http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/the-mass-delusionist-of-ahmedabad/article4218249.ece

    This newspaper ought to be renamed.

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  11. Ravi excellent work. Loved the cartoon of the cartoons. Not joking, the MSM English media, press and TV is full of half naked jokers, be it Burqa or Devout Hindu wife, the Tool or Beefeater and of course Arnav and others like Kanwal, Sekhar. The Congress has some consolation that it won in HP.

    Love to see NaMo as next PM. The best leader India had after LBS and ABV. A true Indian right from top to toe.

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  12. Ravinar bhai, today is such a happy day for us all....but we have only won the semi-finals. Finals is still to be played. But as long as we have intellectual warriors like you on our side, we should have no fear.

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  13. Dear Ravi - great as usual

    You and Narendra Modi are outstanding consistently !!

    Agree with comments by fellow readers. Two statements stand out for me today.

    1. One by Sankarshan Thakur and Yogendra Yadav on TimesNow saying that victory in gujrat for modi is a defeat of Idea of India. It was honestly beyond me - dishing out pieces of rubbish one after the other and they claim to be working on behalf of Janta.

    2. The best one may be got missed by you perhaps, it was by Ravish today morning. He said "Rahul Gandhi ki sabhi speechen agar kisi ne dhyaan se poori suni hain toh woh hain Narendra Modi kyonki unhone uska jawab diya hai"

    Ravish will soon lose his job the way he is going in NDTV !!!

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  14. Ravinar,

    Wasn't such a response expected from the Congress-sponsored media? Anything below 117 would be given a spin by them as a failure of Modi.

    As a Modi supporter, I am frankly quite disappointed with the tally! More than anything, I was hoping that this election result would decisively propel Modi right in the forefront of the BJP and NDA leaders as the PM candidate - no questions asked.

    But after this rather tame result, is this likely to happen?

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  15. nice one... but you forgot to mention N.Ram of The Hindu and Arnab Goswami and Karan Thapar of Times Now.

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  16. Cong MP SanjayNirupam, tells Smriti Irani, "aap paise ke liye TV parr thumke lagati thi".. & we wonder why women get raped.

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  17. Saam Marathi Channel:

    Cong MP SanjayNirupam, tells Smriti Irani, "aap paise ke liye TV parr thumke lagati thi".. & we wonder why women get raped.

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  18. I was just watching HT channel and for few minutes after modi was declared winner, the anchors had an honesty assessment and then as the hours went by, suddently all the anchors (like they were keyed like a doll) started bad mouthing Modi for no reason and they seemed blackmail other parties like BJD and AIADMK of the consequences of supporting BJP!! strange very strange.

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  19. Raviji...

    All you predicted is happening. The Lib trash is foul mouthing every minute. They are not even wasting a minute.

    Look at this CON lady (Sonali Ranade) who claims she is an international trader and compare Gujarat growth to Bihar and remind every day Modi is a fraud.

    Look at the venom is she is spewing. She has the gall to address it as "What should Modi do now?"

    http://www.rediff.com/news/column/gujarat-election-what-narendra-modi-needs-to-do-now/20121220.htm

    The lady goes on ranting communal, castiest rhetoric. Totally unstoppable.

    This trash knows how to attract readers. First put Modi's name in the heading. Then spew venom against BJP and Modi. What a nasty characters. I have one word for these crooks: PRESSTITUTES.

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    Replies
    1. You,Sir, have just made an invaluable addition to the english language: presstitutes. That's a good one.

      Delete
  20. These thick-skinned crooks in the media will not be affected. And yes, they have already got something to get on with their spins...its not 117 you see! Its only 116!And about their hearts and minds, well...they are beyond any repair. Lets not bother about them.We are extremely happy that Gujarat is again MODIfied!

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  21. The umpires tried their best..but God had other plans..��

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  22. Do you want the dog to bark at its owner? Nope . So they are keepin us amused to their wits end. Enjoy the fun. Thanks for all these informative articles.

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