Thursday, January 12, 2012

Rahul Gandhi - The King Of Comedy


The following lines from the movie ‘The American President’ are some of my most favourite when it comes to describing gullible people:

An aide remarks in very harsh terms:  “…Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand”. To which the President responds: “We've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference”.

Justice Markandeya Katju, the PCI chief, had remarked that 90% of people in India are backward, lack education and it’s the media’s job to bring up the right issues. That is really tall expectations from a media that relishes the backwardness of people as much as politicians do, none more so than Rahul Gandhi the latest troubadour from the dynasty. P. Chidambaram, the man in a cess pool of troubles, remarked sometime back that when RG spoke “he brought back memories of a young Rajiv Gandhi”. Why not? After all, since his early promise Rajiv Gandhi had turned out to be as much a gas bag and mired in scandals except for his dreams for India. Rahul Gandhi shares his penchant for dreams – a dream Lokpal, a dream of uniting two Indias, a dream of this and a dream of that. Not everyone is lucky to have so many wet dreams. In all his utterances I have yet to see one piece of intelligence on any issue. Unless, of course, you missed his comic genius. It all began on November 14, when RG started his election campaign in UP. Let’s sample some of his utterances:

1.   At all rallies: “There is a magic elephant in Lucknow that eats up all the funds provided by Congress”.
2.   At Deoband: “I am blind to caste and religion. I see everyone as Hindustani... If one Hindustani tries to harm another, I promise I will come in between. Please remember that I am the grandson of Indira Gandhi”. Which is why he will promote reservations for minorities and ask why others didn’t do it so far!
3.   On the Babu Singh Kushwaha issue: "We refused to induct any corrupt politicians in the party". Why would he? Aren’t there enough in his own party?
4.   On Lokpal Bill: "They(BJP leaders) were smiling in the Lok Sabha and said Lokpal is not their dream but ours--Manmohan Singhji, Rahul Gandhiji and Sonia Gandhiji's. "I agree. A strong Lokpal is our dream. Just wait and watch, we will bring a Constitutional Lokpal and defeat them". Maybe he forgot he is in the ruling party, with allies!
 
      5. At Balia: "Mulayam Singh once said to me that 'do whatever you want, the Muslims will only vote for me.' If you have the courage put a promise of 18 percent reservation in your manifesto'.
      "Mulayam has been the CM thrice and Mayawati four times. But not once they spoke about reservation (for Muslims) when they were chief ministers, not once did they mention reservation”.
      6. Everywhere: “..But today your leaders don't come to you but fly on helicopters. . And until they understand the sufferings of the people the state cannot progress”.
7.   "They won't talk to you. They won't come amidst you. They won't shake hands with you. They won't come to your house or have food. They will not drink water from your well. They sit in AC rooms. They won't talk about farmers… And when I come to your houses, have your food, I am ridiculed. They ask what happened to Rahul Gandhi. I see strength in you, in rural villages”.
8.   "UPiites have built roads in Maharashtra, they work in Kerala, they help the farmers in Punjab...but they do not have roads, electricity or water in their villages. Who built the Delhi Metro? Who is working in Ladakh?”
9.  You sell your potatoes for Re.1 a Kg. but potato chips are sold for Rs.20/- a packet.
10. The best of them all: For how long will you beg in Maharashtra or work as labourers in Punjab? When asked if he meant it metaphorically RG went on to say that he really meant “beggars” and he also found most of the beggars in Delhi were from UP.

And I am not going to even talk about RG’s previous gems like “Politics is in your pants” or “99% terror averted”. Well, it will surely be criminal of me if I left out “Mao brought development to China”!

Not surprisingly only some in the media have just about woken up to this man with no knowledge, intelligence or any understanding of the nation whatsoever. Imagine, an intellectual like Pratap Bhanu Mehta actually wrote to RG about “Tomorrow’s responsibilities”. Bravo! Much of the real discovery of RG started only after the November 14 Phulpur rally and his “beggar” comment for the media, at least some of them. TOI reports ‘Terai shocker for Rahul Gandhi’. WSJ: ‘More Signs of Rahul Gandhi’s Populism’. M.D. Nalapat: ‘Past is Rahul future in UP’. Venky Vembu: ‘Rahul Gandhi, the gawky, poor little ‘Richie Rich’ politician’. Swapan Dasgupta: “A look at the man who would be India’s King”. The list could go on and on. But I wonder why so many in the mainstream media couldn’t see the comedian for what he is all these years.

The one pic RG wouldnt want farmers or beggars to see
So much for discovering Rahul Gandhi! One has to wonder why it took so long for some in the media to write about the comic genius of RG.  It is really hard to argue with anything he says simply because it’s all so profound. Of course, if you have a hard time understanding the sense behind what he says there’s always a battery of Congress spokespersons ready to explain what exactly he meant. They’re not the only one though. NDTV seems to be the only channel that seems to know all of RG’s travel plans. From travelling on the metro to sudden and secret visits to UP or elsewhere and even his considered views on FDI in retail. Oh, that’s another beauty. The retail-FDI plan got dumped by parliament but RG believe that policy would have been heaven-sent for farmers. So once again he managed to explain that to farmers. And today, January 11, he handed a box of chocolates to a young muslim kid as a token of the sign that Congress will deliver for the muslims. Didn’t mom tell the kid in a movie that “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’ll get”? I guess if that served Gump well, it should do the same for others too.

UP - A Muslim Labarotory
 In all the days of his campaign RG has not once been able to outline what his programmes are or what he and his party would do for the state he is campaigning in. Nothing! So in absence of any substance he falls back upon the old and trusted methods instituted by his parents, grandparents and great grandparents; subsidies, doles and, of course, quotas. And from the old school book of Indira Gandhi he even digs out the “Garibi Hatao” slogan. Not having drawn good crowds in many places he now campaigns exclusively in UP towns where muslims are a majority. His cronies desperately try to prove him right in everything he says, like the “game changer” plan but even that came a cropper in parliament. The best part of the whole show is the media which now discusses the ‘minority’ quota as an issue as against the evil of ‘quota’ itself. 

The other trick that he’s learnt from his family is ‘dressing up’, particularly with hats, skull caps with minorities and tribals, something his grandmother excelled in and yet remains a man unwilling to take up any responsibility whatsoever. I am reminded of Govinda in the movie 'Raja Babu', in which he liked taking his pictures in all kinds of costumes of dresses while being a village bumpkin. Along with Digvijay and Khurshid, RG has now turned Uttar Pradesh into a 'Muslim Laboratory'.

Thanks to the Congress policies minorities have come to mean just ‘muslims’ and their demands get more and more outrageous with time. The latest report says a group of muslims burnt an effigy of RG at Azamgarh. This is the town that RG’s mentor Digvijay visited to assure families of those killed in the Batla House encounter would be delivered justice. A professor from the localcollege of the town says:  “He (Digvijaya) had come here two years ago and promised a judicial inquiry, but changed his statement while talking to the media outside the village. The Congress talks of minority reservation, but we are not fools... We are not the only minority..” What the report doesn’t say is that the statement implies the muslims probably want to be recognised as a ‘separate minority’ and not clubbed with all minorities.

Rahul Gandhi's comedy in May 2011 with the ashes and dead bodies has been chronicled under #RahulFacts and his November 14 stupidity chronicled under #YoRahulSoDumb. (Both compiled by @KiranKS). The messages are indicators enough to establish him as the new Laloo.

Atanu Dey, a seasoned observer of Indian issues, sums up RG pretty neatly in a post: “Rahul Gandhi has the “ticket” to become the prime minister. His accomplishment can be summarized in two words: lucky sperm. Other than that, hardly anything else qualifies him — not education, not deep insight, not intelligence (an area he is noted to be particularly lacking in), not some breathtaking deed, . . . To not put too fine a point on it, his accomplishments amount to zilch, zero, shunya, nada. It’s his identity as the great grandson of Nehru, the grandson of Indira Gandhi nee Nehru, the son of Rajiv Gandhi & the Italian mama Antonia Maino aka Sonia Gandhi, that totally sums him up and explains his appeal to a significant number of Indian voters”. They drink the sand, because they cannot tell the difference.

That’s right, “lucky sperm” is the only explanation one can have for a bimbo who believes it’s prime-minister or nothing. I gave up understanding RG long ago and dedicated a song to him: “What a fool believes, wise man doesn’t bother to reason away” and now I just sit back and have a good laugh at the jokes he cracks. Stand-up comedy has become popular on TV only in the last few years with a lot of those laughter shows. You don’t need a special show when RG starts talking or rolling up his sleeves after every sentence. The King of comedy has truly arrived.

47 comments:

  1. What is there left to say after "Lucky Sperm"

    He is nothing more than that.

    Millions of sperms go waste down the toilet seat after a spell of masturbation. Wish that this dynastical nonsense ends him being the last lucky sperm.

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  2. How true.
    But, it is only divine Thst can help us him not being next PM

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  3. Hilarious, but sad that it is true. We got independence from the British but not freedom and democracy. How different are we from Pak? Army controls pak and one family controls India.

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  4. Dear Ravinar,

    The assent of Mr Rahul Bimbo to the coveted Top Job of this country is not just funny but utterly shameful, Disgraceful & puts a question mark over the maturity of our Nation. If we the people elected Mr Nehru as our PM after partition, it was not because he was the Tallest leader, but because he was most gullible, crook & weak individual who could be easily manipulated by the western powers. After commiting the mammoth crime of not appointing Mr VallabhBhai Patel as our Prime Minister this Nehru Clan have committed blunders after Blunders since then : 1) Creation of Kashmir Issue during nehru's leadership, 2) Creation of Bangladesh by Indira Khan, 3) Dividing the country on Caste & religion based polity for petty political benefit, 4) Looting the country for a few Hundred Billion Dollars . Whether we have we learnt any lesson in past 65 years shall be tested in 2014. God Save our country from this weak replica of original Bimbo called Jawaharlal Nehru.

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  5. Dear Ravinar,

    I usually enjoy your posts, but here I think you are just letting loose your frustration at the G family. I hold no brief for Rahul baba, but I would like to know since when have politicians talked profound shit at election rallies? No doubt, the BJP camp has some brilliant speakers like Arun Jaitley or Sushma Swaraj, but they reserve their best for parliament debates, while during the rallies they speak the usual populist bullshit that draws the claps.

    Have Mulayam Singh Yadav or Mayawati or Rajnath Singh delivered deep insights or displayed intelligence during election rallies? Have they done anything remarkable during their stints of power? So why this tirade against Rahul? In last 7 years of MMS reign, I haven't heard the sardar utter a single sentence that is not cliched. If an eminently qualified person occupying the post of PM lacks the ability to say anything meaningful during his speeches, why should we expect a 'baccha' like Rahul to do any better?

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    1. Hi Yogendra,

      Thanks for the comment. The issue of RG comes up only because of the disproportionate coverage given to him by the media. Where MMS is concerned you will find plenty about him on this site if you look up on search.

      If the media were to daringly call the bluff and idiocy of RG as it does with others my post wouldn't be needed.

      Thanks..

      Delete
    2. Bingo Raviji, People need to follow your blog fully before commenting. Fantastic write up. "LUCKY SPERM" is the perfect name :-)

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    3. @ Yogendra Bhatt,
      I wish to disagree with your opinion about Prime Minister, that he lacks the ability to say anything meaningful. I do not have any affinity to Congress Party or UPA I or II but this statement of yours needs reconsideration. Have not you heard about 'actions' and "actions speak lauder than words." This Man, whom you hesitate to take his full name,has been responsible for new India, India after 1990s. This man's wisdom protected India to become bankrupt (I hope you know it better than me. But this is your virtual loyalty to some party or person or narrow-mindedness to question the integrity of a pristine man. He worked day and night hard and harder to streamline energy policy in his term as Prime Minister, he is the one of such prime ministers who takes special interest in affairs of education and sciences and tries to relate Indian education with world at large. In his second term he envisioned about Aadhar Card to make transparent subsidy system in India. To provide identity to migrating communities. You can have problem with his silence at times but this is his way of functioning. We are lucky to have him and I trust that he will protect this country from any undesirables. We as an honest votes has surrendered our mandate to Madam Sonia, whose education and abilities, no body knows on this earth. It's the fortune of this Mother land that we have got MMS by chance, why are you getting envious of him I do not understand your point. He tries his best to deal with matters and people its unfortunate that he failed number of times. He gave authority to Nandan Nilekani for Aadhar project, unfortunately opposition questioned Nandan's position as ranked with Cabinet Minister, and after one year hard work he settled with non-functioning member and R.Sharma took the charge. He trusted Mr. Kapil Sibbal as Education Minister to move the educational reform, but Sibbal became too ambitious and did not produced results. I don't think while making comments about persons one should become so desperate to make unacceptable remarks about one of the most trusted sons of India.

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  6. Ravinar, keep 'em coming! & thank you!

    I think RG is the stuff that legends are made of. Such a tremendous concentration of stupidity and idiocy in *one* person is truly without precedent.

    The danger with Rahul is him being an essentially mindless instrument in the hands of far more sinister forces that hold the reins.

    The clumsy, bumbling & visionless mind provides no obstructions or difficulties, and in fact, is ideal for the continued plunder and abuse of our system.

    Sonia and her crew of Asuras must be delighted at this marvellous opportunity that RG offers.

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  7. Thought, comedy is a specialized field for those hugely talented ones. So, you still want to give that award to RG? And make us believe that he has great talent working his vocal chords in tandem with his brains?

    I believe, RG is bundle of worthless thoughts and action and so far so good for being the lucky sperm to get-away with it!

    I respectfully mean only of RG's thoughts made out in public for his fellow countrymen and nothing personal, anyway.

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  8. Dear Mr Yogendra Bhat,

    I am sure Mr Ravinar would reply to your argument but I am personally putting my views here :

    1) Of all the other names which you mentioned such as Mr Jaitley, Mrs Swaraj, Mulayam, Mayavati, MMS, etc. Was any of their forefathers into politics ? The answer is NO!
    2) Now imagine Mr Rahul Gandhi being born as a poor dalit, could he dream of becoming PM without even becoming a sarpanch ? The answer is NO!
    3) Most of Indians have lost faith in the Electoral politics in past 65 years due to Corruption, Pro Islami secularism, & it has to do more or less with this G Family. Do you really expect somebody not to get frustrated by this?
    It seems we Indians have really lost the capacity to understand the difference between sand & water as perfectly put by the author! ( Would appreciate if you also read my earlier comment in this regards )

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  9. Dear Ravinar,
    His IQ is the same number as his shoe size!

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    Replies
    1. Why demean the shoe?!!

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    2. Maybe the Toddler Rahul's shoe size, oh my Sis says even that is too much !!

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  10. Ravi,

    I have recently started reading your posts and now look for them every day. There is one thing that is absolutely certain that the fourth estate in India needs a few more news outlets that represent the other view. Unfortunately blogs like yours are not able to reach a mass. In the US each newspaper and TV channel is clearly identified with either of the two parties and there are no camouflages or false pretenses of neutrality put up. So when one is watching MSNBC or FOX ,it's out of choice and with a clarity on the bias of the channel. The channels themselves openly flaunt their tilt and bias. Unfortunately in India in the last ten years most of English media is a sub product of erstwhile starters of NDTV (Rajdeep of IBN and Arnab of Times Now) and crookedness is deeply ingrained in their DNA. These are spineless guys who happened to be at the right time at the right place and are completely alien to things like Truth, journalistic ethos etc. They are just bought out mouth pieces who would churn out thrash for their employers. If tomorrow a pro BJP channel were to open up and they were hired there (at a high package) they would turn like chameleons and use their venom spewing abilities to kill congress. They are thrash that don't belong anywhere. Two things have happened in the past four weeks and you could pull out any program and see their bias. Not even one of them put the congress on the mat on CBI autonomy and not even one of them put the congress on the mat for playing vote bank politics on Minority Reservations. On the contrary they were busy killing the Anna movement and harping on why are you taking a hard stand. Last evening Arnab and Navika shouted down Nirmala Sitharaman on Uma Bharti's press conference and even misquoted Uma Bharti. I am not sure why Nirmala took it though she did feebly attempt to point it out but she was shouted down by Arnab (literally shouted down). How I wish someone was there to give to him on his face then and there.

    All the debates are such big charades, topics are picked at random to present the Congress party view but more then that I have noticed they will call a panel which is heavily loaded to agree with them and present a lot of these panelists as extremely neutral intellectual highly respected citizenry of India. Harish Salve is called upon to thrash Anna movement…now we all know that even if Harsih believes in the Lok pal he can’t but hate anything that has Prashant Bhushan. The bad blood between them and the ongoing cases in the Supreme court are no secret. In a political debate ,one speaker from Congress, one from BJP and then two SENIOR AND EMINENT JOURNALISTS....Vinod Sharma from HT and Kumar Ketkar and the panel discussion proceeds in the direction you want to take it to. Of course we all know that the two journalists have no bias and are an epitome of the highest journalistic traditions who take stand on issues and not people and parties.

    One thing I know for sure that Non congress parties are losing the plot each day in the absence of having poor media representation. Just one Pioneer and Blogs alone won’t do. In the south the politicians recognized this a long time ago and that’s why every politicians went ahead and created some kind of Media house of it’s own. Even in the US the Radio airwaves were ruled by the Right for a decade till the liberals woke up and set up some of their own broadcasting set ups in Radio to counter the rants ofthe likes of Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys. At the national level there will have to be some kind of Media houses that these parties would need to set up (or back a friendly industrialist to set one or two) with a wider audience base to counter the current imbalanced Mind controlling Goebbles kind of propaganda machinery of the congress.

    PS:I am not sure how to post as an account holder but I will open a Google account and am choosing anonymous as a temporary measure to post what I just wrote.

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  11. Though at present it looks hilarious or comic...the statement of Rahul portends sinister designs...look at his ideas..it may seem exaggerated,but always the ideas are detrimental to the development of the nation..contrasting to the ideas of Rajiv Gandhi,hence the son of Sonia isn't comparable to Rajiv Gandhi.Rahul's 'dreams' always gives a feeling of a long term agenda towards destabilising and weakening the country...especially the economy.
    So,to write off Rahul as a 'pappu' might be undermining the grave situations at the threshold of which we are...though the fellow may not be then real brain behind all his 'utterings'.

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  12. Lucky Sperm! lol. Brilliant.

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  13. Awesome... keep it up. We need more of this kind.

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  14. Dear Anonymous,

    I believe As the Politics in India would increasingly becoming Bi-Polar NDA/UPA from Unipolar(Pro-Congress), we would be seeing more activity in regards with a NDA-BJP centric Media outlets in a few years or after NDA victory in 2014. This would result from some of Industrial houses backing BJP to the hilt as against the current scenario. Afterall without money from Big Industrial houses who would dare to run a News & Media empire?

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  15. Biggest misfortune of this country is its so called free media. Look at fate of Anna movement.After initial media support, Congress somehow arm twisted all major media outlets and bingo all of them started denigratting the movement in tandem. Effectively the movement is over. As far as intellect of Rahul Gandhi is concerned, I have only one fact to mention; his IQ is equivalent to his weight.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think the Anna movement is over. It might come with a bigger bang than before. But then movements like these depend on the optimism of its supporters. Your pessimism is more likely to kill it then the media.

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  16. Ravinar,

    get the feeling that both @mediacrooks @Swamy_Army seems to be misused .U can see how @Swamy_Army is tweeting and keeping every one in loop for misinformation.

    @myview99

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  17. Ravinar,

    Great work. Please email me atanudey at gmail at your convenience. I would like to chat with you.

    Regards,
    Atanu

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  18. http://www.youtube.com/​watch?v=eEMFmih3LsE&feature=rel​ated -- Proof that he is a "Lucky Sperm"

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    Replies
    1. I tried this link and it does'ent work.

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    2. it was working. looks like congis working overtime to remove such materials. dont know how :(

      Delete
  19. It's been very long since I posted a comment, Ravinar, but I read your posts regularly.
    As the UP polls near, the nation will know exactly where Rahul Gandhi stands. Which is why it's so important to dissect his every move, statement and action to the core. This post of yours is brilliant. You're getting better and better at this. Keep it up!

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    1. I wish he delivers the performance he delivered for Bihar. The seats that Congress won in Bihar were the ones where the clown prince did not visit.

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  20. Folks,

    Do watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=9OlP5efSLPI titled Prince Parody. It's a small beginning by Twitter folks (@Dosabandit) to expose Rahul Gandhi for the fraud that he is. Feel free to contribute and join hands.

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  21. Very well written article...

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  22. Yes once again a well written article Ravinar, we may want Archana Puran Singh & Rakhi Sawant to accompany him everywhere,. but the sad thing is just imagine this moron becoming PM of our Nation, having a drug lord's daughter as his ex-girlfriend, he will be an easy prey for CIA, KGB MOSSAD you name any intelligence agencies of the world, to get whatever secrets of our nation they need ... India will be compromised on Economic, Defence and all possible fronts ,. added to these his Aunt from Italy will have a great influence on our policies !!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaa spot on !

      Really wish these Italians would LEAVE. Why do we lack so much confidence in ourselves that we have to ask these losers to do the job??

      Delete
  23. Very well written indeed. This article reminds me of one of Sonia Gandhi's speeches. Her speech read -"...mai yahaan is chhao me khadi hu aur aap log waha tapti dhup me baithe hai......... " I am not sure if she didn't realise that it had started raining a long time back or she did not understand the speech that was written in Hindi.. Lol.. Goof ups run in the family I guess.. :-)

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  24. I will not mind Rahul to become PM, if he returns Rs1,76,000 crores and he can keep rest of the money, his Great Grandfather, his grandmother and his father siphoned off.

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  25. Rahul Baba says politics is in your shirt, in your pants" ... by this statement.. i started remembering a scene
    in the movie "Back to the Future - 1" where Biff Tannen says George Mc.Fly tapping on his head.....
    "Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Huh? Think, McFly". LOL.. It makes perfect sense to replace mcFly with Mr.Rahul Gandhi...

    atleast McFly is a good person in the movie.. but RG is lot and lot worse..
    .. watch below video yourself...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEMFmih3LsE

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    Replies
    1. think RG Baba.. think... think... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh9PYtmVybU

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  26. The below post is best-ever describe Rahul Baba.. LOL.. LOL..
    http://www.wikileaks-forum.com/index.php/topic,8142.msg28053.html#msg28053

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  27. Politics in your Pants :D

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEMFmih3LsE

    -Ajit V Gupta

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  28. Excellent one...Sarcasm at its best..

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  29. Lol !
    Rofl !!
    Lucky sperm he is ... This one has certainly got very lucky ...

    @GuruMaata

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  30. crazy congress...y they are short of quality leaders...shame on congress & surprise they still succeeds in fooling the Indians, while the opposition is having great leaders like Modi,Sushama, Getly,Advani etc....

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    Replies
    1. Sunil,

      During my school days whenever I had to go to toilet, I used to say Sir/Madam " Can I go to make number 1 or 2". Number one if had to urinate and number 2 if had to go for shitting. Numder 2 was associated with shit. Till yesterday, it was unofficially accepted by psychophants that RG was number 2 (Indians knew he was No.2) and now he is officially number 2.

      Delete
  31. hats off to this blogger for...having such venomous thoughts about RG..i think day & night out he's seems to be thinking about RG..hope he is not in love with him:)..unlucky sperm..

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  32. Today News Theindianrepublic.com: India’s latest News portal, which covers live news related to politics, business, bollywood, latest elections, Cricket and all kind of entertainments. Get breaking news headlines from India and all over the world, all exclusive current headlines of sports and lifestyle. Share your reviews on movies, Celebrities photos and their news.

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  33. You will be surprised to know of Rahul Ghandi's academic Qualifications, not only he is dumb but arrogant as well. Ask him a simple question and see what answer you get.

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